“Use it or lose it.” We’ve all heard it. Probably we’ve all said it at least once. But like “You snooze you lose,” or “No pain, no gain,” did we really believe those words as we said them? Did they speak to us? Were we being flip when we tossed them off to a friend huffing through gym class, or a child wriggling out her first tooth? Or are you Jillian Michaels? If so, then you did mean all of the above non-ironically. And if you are Jillian Michaels: OMG. It’s crazy you are reading my blog, but really I’m more partial to Basheerah.
But flip, me? No, not tonight. I’m most sincere. After a weeks-long absence from blogging, creating and just overall enjoying the practice of stringing together words and punctuation, I noticed a slow trickle of new readers to my blog. And they were leaving comments! Casually I would log into my WordPress account to take a closer look at what my new fans were saying, try to get an idea of why folks suddenly found my words interesting after weeks of blog silence. Maybe absence did make the heart grow fonder out here in the blogosphere, I marveled.
“You definitely know what you’re talking about,” one sassy commenter named how to cancel google plus account told me. “Why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?”
Excellent question, how to cancel google plus account, I thought to myself. I disagreed with only one thing: I post no videos on my blog. Still, I could’t disagree with the intelligent comment, or the part where she said I definitely know what I’m talking about. Thank you, mystery reader!
About two weeks later a fellow named Lucio jumped into the conversation on my entry “Making Resolutions, Ragda Pattice.” “Many local water districts offer rebates for demand warm water systems, check together with your local water company,” he wrote. Not nearly as touching as the words of support from my earlier commenter, but I didn’t doubt that he had a point. I just failed to see how it was in any way relevant to me. Yet the Internet is a vast place, and I trusted that Lucio stumbled onto my page on the way to some urban sustainability blog. He left me an eco-tip in error. No worries, Lucio!
But then some dullard named washing machine reviews checked in. “It’s really a great and helpful piece of info,” he (or she) chirped in one comment. “I’m happy that you simply shared this useful info with us.” Such treacle is useless to me. I approved that comment and moved on.
More intriguing was a post from this guy named Ryan, who suggested that “stimulating the nerves in the coccyx tailbone area and easing the pain” was good practice. I do have chronic lower back pain like a lot of women I know who are not in their 20s anymore and haul laptops, diapers, kids, breast pumps, breasts and groceries on a daily basis. Maybe Ryan was being a bit forward on some married lady’s blog, buy my coccyx is killing me. How did he know? Are Ryan and how to cancel google plus account in cahoots from afar to turn my life around? Could “Stimulate coccyx, give us something enlightening to read, repeat” become my new mantra?
The next couple bloggers had less to offer. I think. Their spelling was so poor it was hard to understand exactly what they were getting at. Some guy named Adonis was all like: “I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get eedback from other knowledgeable people tnat share the same interest.” And I was thinking, like, no, I don’t think we have the same interests, Adonis. You know what interests me? Spelling! Dictionaries. Chutney. Also I love unicorns.
The next day Mr. Website Listed offered this empty pat on the back: “Shame on Google for not positioning this post higher!” He did have a point. Millions of people worldwide should learn to make ragda pattice. They’re the queen of Mumbai street food. Still, I felt Mr. Website Listed wasn’t really talking to me, but rather talking through me.
By the time yeast infection no more system free download became a faithful reader of Chutney Challenged, I just stopped checking the comments altogether. “Linda Allen has expended a lot of time exploring can last but not least be healed,” yeast infection no more system free download commented cryptically on April 27. Now I don’t know this Linda Allen, but I am pretty sure the answers she seeks are more easily found at Walgreens than on Chutney Challenged.
So there you have it, actual human readers. If you start a blog you best use it or you will lose control of it. People with really odd names are going to comment all over it. Their odd phrasing and Not-Safe-For-Work product names will sprout on your blog like weeds poking through pavement. Of course, you could mark those comments as spam. But even a spambot is right once in a while. I have been sitting at a desk all day. Pushing commas, sending messages, trudging out in the rain to peel a parking ticket from my minivan’s windshield. “Stimulate coccyx, give us something enlightening to read, repeat.”